THE Matrix skit of all time The Marctrix
by smethy
Summary: So funny!!! Leave a review and you could be one step closer to seeing Morpheus in a ballet tutu!!! A TUTU!!! Aiming for ten reviews oh and by the way i am hello kitties cousin just thought you would want to know that...
1. Chapter 1 da beginin

The Marctrix  
Epilogue  
  
Marc Smethy was having a normal day looking at his emails, seeing if anyone had found his lost fly called Dave when a pop up came up about a website where you can build your own website. He created his website and went to work but little did he know that he had left his computer on, this mistake would lead to four world wars in a row. Marc died in a freak gardening accident at work in Sainsburys Homebase. No one ever switched off his computer, this mistake is what led to the  
  
Marctrix  
  
John Smith was having a normal day, a day that was run by a programme out of four billion programmes which were specified on him, but he didn't know that, he hadn't seen MTV unplugged. A group of hippies in black leather suits passed him, but he didn't Know that they knew what programmed him and how to uninstall it.  
  
An explosion in the wall behind him woke him up from his dream, pity, because he was just inches away from finding out the secret of the Marctrix. It would take him another ten years to find out the answer to all of his questions.  
  
A man in a rich brown suit stepped through the rubble and shot John 8 times in the stomach, missing his vital organs 8 times. A ringing like a telephone ran a marathon through his head and the alphabet ran through his eyes a million times over and a voice in his head said " If you want to know why I am talking to you, meet me at Parkgate at 7:00pm for an ice cream. I'll be the one in pink. Go to work today, act normal, it will all be over before you know it." He felt strange then he woke up out of the dream in a dream he had just had.  
  
He walked through the doors of KFC in tight shorts and a shirt which was 5 sizes too small for him and his black and grey stripey socks pulled up to his knees. As he walked through the staff doors and took off his coat, he heard a ringing noise. It was coming from a chicken drumstick. John picked it up and put it against his ear, grease trickled down his top. "Hello Peo," said a black mans voice. "are you interested in stainless glass windows?" " No!!! Go away!" said John and hung up. Then suddenly a mega bucket started ringing. John ran over and poured it over his head "Peo" said a black mans voice, approximately 6 feet tall wearing clown shoes." Do you know what the Marctrix is?" "No" replied John "Neither do I. Oh well, I thought you would know. Sniff. Anyway, they are after you!" "Who" "The estate agents" Then suddenly a man on a motorbike came crashing through the window with two shotguns over his shoulders. John peaed his pants. It was Arnold Schwartzeneger( I think that's spelt right!). Then Bobby Joe (the new recruit from America) said "Sorry mate, but I think your In the wrong story." "I'll be back," replied Arnie " with money to fix the window" then turned around and went back out. Then all of a sudden, three men, all dressed in black, came crashing through the next window on micro scooters. Whilst they were in the air, they did 7backflips, 4summersaults and folded and unfolded they scooters before they landed but unfortunately, one didn't finish his tricks and broke his back on a chair. 


	2. Chapter 2 da agents

Chapter 2  
The chicken wing  
  
One of the agents went over to Bobby Joe. "I'll have a chicken wing" said the agent. "Gulp, Would you like fries with that?" asked Bobby Joe. The agent looked at him in a funny way. "I guess not then" replied Bobby and shakily handed him the chicken wing." That will be £2.99 Sir," said Bobby in a shaky voice. The man gave him the strange look again. "OK then, I suppose you could have this one on the house" The agent stirred at the chicken wing. Nothing. Ten minutes later, nothing. Then, just as John was about to lose the will to live, something happened, the chicken wing started to bubble, I am not quite sure whether this was to do with him shining a magnifying glass at it or what but it still started to bubble. Then, after another ten minutes, the chicken wing turned into an agent ( finally!). The agent then started to stir at Bobby and out came the magnifying glass again and Bobby started to bubble then, much quicker than the chicken wing, turned into an agent. " Quick Peo, jump into that pile of chips." John did as the voice told him to. The four agents went off upstairs to the staff room looking for John. What? What did you say? What happened to the other one? Well he got wheeled of by Paramedics whilst the agent was stirring at the chicken wing. Just incase you want to know a disk fragmented into his spinal cord. Any way back to the story, John popped out his head. " Quick, go to that window" John went over, he looked down, the floor was one metre below. "Jump" said the voice. "What?" replied John shouting " It must be about one metre off the ground! I am getting altitude sickness!" " Oh fine then you wool," said the voice " Climb down the scaffolding" " There isn't any scaffolding" replied John " Oh well, I'm stuffed" said the voice and hung up. John felt something on his shoulder. He turned around. There, stirring him back in the face was a very odd looking agent that hadn't been fully morphed and had a chicken wing for a head. John once again peaed his pants. Never judge a book by its cover, or in this case, never judge an agent by his face as this agent was quite posh. " You are going to come with one " said the chicken head agent and he threw John over his shoulder and started walking. Once again, grease trickled down Johns face. 


	3. Chapter 3 da thing

Hey peeps, I've got the next chap for ya. Hope ya like. you know the drill, leave a review at the end. Thanx!  
  
Disclaimer: I only own a piece of cheese and my cousin's birthday cake.  
  
After being knocked out bet the smell of the grease, Peo awoke in a strange house made entirely of ginger bread. Peo looked around to see two agents; one of who was sitting down and the other deformed, er . . . how should I put this. . . THING was standing next to him. The agent who was sitting down walked over to Peo.  
  
"Mr. Smitheth, welcome back-th," thaid the agent who had an obvious lithsp.  
  
"Where am I? Who are you?" Peo cried frantically.  
  
"Woo, woo, woo, don't athsk thso many quethstion at onthce, it will break my brainths. Well the answer to your first quethtsion iths you are in the gingerbread houthse Hanthsal and Gretel, and the anthser to your thsecond quethstion is I am agent Sthplif and you are going to tell me how to get to the Marctrix,"  
  
"The what?" replied Peo, trying to keep one eye on the agent and one on the T.V. which was showing very interesting pictures of naked women.  
  
"You know what I mean, Peo," thshouted the agent.  
  
"No I don't! now let me go before I scream," said Peo, taking a deep breath getting ready to scream.  
  
"Oh, how can you sthcream with you mouth thshut?"  
  
Peo opened his mouth wide ready to scream when all of a sudden, the agent with the chicken head stood up and threw three toffees into Peo's mouth. As they hit the back of his mouth, he instantly closed it, and his mouth was stuck together.  
  
"Oh, nithce one, you big er . . . thing! Now even if he did know, he couldn't tell uths! Now, we'll have to uthse. . . THE GUN,"  
  
Peo's belly did a double-summersault (the livers each gave an eight point two). The thing passed agent Splif THE GUN, and he pointed it at Peo's belly. Peo felt a strange sensation and all of a sudden, he was asleep.  
  
He woke up back in his own room with a banging head-ache and a sore stomach. He looked at his clock, it was five to seven. He sprung out of bed and ran to Park Gate to meet . . . THE MAN.  
  
Review! 


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